True beauty touches the heart

As a woman in this society, the question about love, feminine power and relationships come up lot.
Since I’m little I see people treat their little girls like future-wives instead of equal children. This article is a reminder, that we are all children of the sun and love, and that we need to wake up to our conditionings.
Especially girls suffer from parents who want them to wear pink pretty clothes, to be ‘fragile’, ‘weaker than the boys’, to be ‘beautiful’, to dream of princesses who are looking for their prince charming and investing all their time to look nice for him. Wow something has gone terribly wrong in our society.
Perhaps people try to introduce these concepts to the little ones because they themselves fail so hard in their own relationships and in the system they live in? Or maybe there is a deep wound of the feminine that needs to be looked at.

Everybody has a masculine and feminine side inside them, regardless their gender. These two forces need to be balanced in order to live a healthy life here on earth.

First of all there is a big misunderstanding when it comes to love. Love is inside of you, you are love. Have you ever looked at a little child playing outside? Everything is just love. It shines out love. Can you remember a moment in your childhood where you felt very connected and full of joy – just by being and innocent playing?

I was very lucky that in my childhood I was always very near to nature. I remember laying out in the grass, or sitting in the barn surrounded by my best friends: our animals. I was so in love, there was an indescribable inner joy, regardless of the poop or mud around, regardless of the weather, or how I looked like, what others thought about me, or what gender I was. I made no difference between them and me, we’re One. These were not concepts in my mind, it simply was what I felt in the heart.

Love has nothing to do with gender. It has nothing to do with roles or images.

But as I grew in my body and feminine curves slowly showed up, and how people around reacted to it – a lot of questions came up. And looking in the past, I’m almost speechless about the answers I got.

Suddenly a lot changes, especially regarding the image, for example: feeling lost about what clothes one would wear, hearing that a woman shall have a hairless body, the issue of make-up, and that having ‘curves’ were related to being ‘fat’. Out of insecurity, girls start (at the latest during this phase) to look for confirmation on the outside. This insecurity seems to stay in most of the women I see today.

Looking on the outside to confirm oneself, is based on fear. This limitation doesn’t allow you to fully be yourself! You put on masks to please those around. You put on masks, to be beautiful! How could a mask ever be more beautiful than a wild child or woman embracing her uniqueness?

So people go around, trying to please each other. Trying to please each other then comes with a wish to be loved and the wish that you find something outside, or somebody else, to make you happy.

‘’The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself. What kind of person do do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Beceause that person is yourself and it’s your responsibility to be that person you want to be with’’
– C. JoyBell C.

There is nothing outside of you that will make you truly happy. There is no constant on the outside that will confirm you in very moment, even if you wear the most beautiful mask. In those moments, you may ask yourself: Why isn’t everything perfect? Why can’t I be perfect? And the answer I would give you is: This is the perfection of life!

Life ensures that you can’t stay blind forever. One day you have to get hurt and shocked: You cannot always give away your power and energy to other people. Either you continue the inner fight or you allow your ego to be burnt down by all the lies you accepted from society and by the beliefs you created yourself. It’s for you to make a choice once you see this.

Insecurity: your need for confirmation in your surroundings
Attachment: fear of losing those around when you truly show yourself
Self-judgment: you never feel happy and free with your body, you don’t accept and love yourself
Weakness: you give away your uniqueness, you give away your power
Fear of knowledge: you don’t allow the flow of your creative, feminine energy

Those are some signs I perceived in myself and see in most of women these days. Sometimes it’s obvious, and sometimes it’s rather subtle.
What can we do about it? We can be the change we want to see in the world.
We can transform what we perceive into a shift of true beauty.

Security: you are already whole and connected with everything (you already knew it as a child)
Freedom: showing yourself as you truly are, some may perceive you as crazy and for others you’ll be an inspiration
Self-loving: when you love yourself, you can go into deeper connections and relationships with others
Strength: Standing on your two feet doesn’t mean standing above someone, it is simply shining out your unique being – it is beautiful art
Heart of knowledge: allowing your creative flow is the highest intelligence, it takes you into the unknown limitless possibilities, embracing the feminine energy is a gift to the world

What does that mean?

The moment we stop looking on the outside for confirmation/security, the moment we let go of judgments of others and ourselves, the moment we stand for our uniqueness, the moment we allow whatever wants to arise in the moment we are free.
Plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. Embracing the feminine energy means that we don’t hide anymore. We are neither arrogant, proud, big, isolated, masked, small or judging. We simply are what we are. When we feel to dance, we dance. Whatever it is we feel in every moment, we embrace it. Singing, playing, jumping, screaming, creating, drawing, eating chocolate, doing ‘men-like hobbies’, laughing, being still, wearing whatever, not shaving, going wild – just express, don’t suppress anymore. Be unapologetically yourself, without any definitions!

In our relationships with others it means, to dare to show yourself completely. No masks anymore. The shift may seem very strange to some, but your true friends and beloved ones will stay and be happy to see you happier. Even if they don’t understand you all the time. What matters is the inner joy and the huge love you feel for your beloved ones. Real love, not love that needs to be confirmed every day. Deep love and gratitude for those around you, no matter how crazy/weird you or they seem sometimes to be. It does not mean to have a happy face all the time, sometimes the truest in a moment is to express what you feel, it can also be sadness or that you don’t know how to name whatever arises. Only ‘crazy’ people have ever reached something new, a way beyond the known, where miracles are perceived and where dreams come true. Even things you never dreamed of appear, isn’t this the magic of life?

In relationship to the other gender it means the same. Don’t look at men and see them as sex-objects. Your instincts may want to be seductive, but may I ask you honestly: What is more attractive, an independent woman who stands on her own feet shining her unique light or a seductive woman who lays down for every charming man to get confirmation that she’s desirable?
These questions are not here to judge anybody; it is just to open other perspectives.
In every moment you have to make a choice for yourself. Every moment is a new moment. It’s not because we learned through social media that sex = love that you have to continue your life with this opinion and with Hollywood-drama.
I don’t say that sex is bad, it can be wonderful, but while using it unconsciously it can be a limitation. It can make you hide your deepest fears. And fears are here to be confronted.

Most women feel a strong sexual energy, that I would call feminine energy. It is pure passion, ready to jump in the fire and dance for hours. It is pure creative fire. Do you want to give it away all the time? While having sex in order to find Oneness in that moment? Or do you also want to keep it burning inside of you, to be the bearer of creative life? Come back to your passion for life, come back to the creative lust of expression, come back to shining out your passion that people cannot stand looking in your eyes if they are not ready for it. Come back to feel Oneness inside your Self.

The divine feminine within you is a powerful flow of birth creating worlds.
You have within you this power of creation to bring anything into being.
You are sacred space and the deep wellspring of inner knowing and ancient threads within are the seeds from which all grows. Never doubt your creative ability and never doubt your power.
–C. Ara Campbell

Every step you take, every breath you breath, every word you say, every song you sing, every instrument you play, every art you do is transforming into pure love energy. That’s the gift of the feminine. Pure unconditional love. Connection. Oneness.

So, what if you teach this to your daughters instead of filling their heads from a very young age with ideas of “prince charming” and “pretty” make-up face women whose only mission is to  give away their power and be attractive? Tell them they are shining lights, they are rainbow children, they are love and that everything is possible. Teach them to trust in themselves and feel what is true for themselves in every moment. Listen to them and show them unconditional love. But first of all, dear parents, dear people around the world, discover it all by yourself and just be what you are.

It does not mean that everything you do is perfectly right or true, but at least you live your life fully without any limits. It is for you to be open-hearted and open-eared to listen to the lessons of life and embrace every experience as a gift. Every moment is unique. So are you. You never know what’s coming in the next second. The only time to be completely honest, playful, loving, grateful, truthful and aware is right NOW. And every now is perfect.

Let your life be the voice of love. True beauty touches the heart, not necessarily the eyes.


Picture by Raphael Tanios


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